"Abner conferred with the elders of Israel and said, 'For some time you have wanted to make David your king. Now do it! For the Lord promised David, 'By My servant David I will rescue My people Israel from the hand of the Philistines and from the hand of all their enemies.'" (2 Samuel 3:17-18) Abner's words reveal that his cousin Ish-Bosheth, who was placed on the throne by his own power and influence, is not the preferred king of the wise elders of Israel. He displays an awareness that they would far rather have David as king and that they have been seeking a way to depose Ish-Bosheth and declare David their king. He also displays an awareness that David is God's chosen king. He cannot plead ignorance regarding what the Lord said about David; it's clear that the prophecies made about him are widely known throughout the nation of Israel. Abner even quotes a prophecy regarding the Lord's intention to use David to relieve the Israelites from their enemies.
Up until now Abner has been living in rebellion against the Lord's words concerning David. Abner has been concerned only with his own interests which he thought would be best served by placing on the throne a man he felt he could control. But Ish-Bosheth, due to his growing jealousy of Abner's popularity, tried to get out from under Abner's control by accusing him (probably falsely) of sleeping with one of the royal concubines, which in the ancient world was perceived as a man announcing his intention to take over everything that belongs to the king. I think Abner was surprised to learn Ish-Bosheth had enough backbone to attempt to discredit him. I think he was shocked to realize the king harbored so much bitterness toward him that he was willing to make up an accusation capable of getting him demoted as general and as advisor to the king, at best, and charged with a capital crime, at worst. But now that he knows this, he has irrevocably severed his relationship with the king and is working against his kingdom as much as he once worked for it.
Abner confers with the elders of Israel first and then he campaigns on David's behalf all throughout the territory of Benjamin, which is his own tribe and the tribe of King Saul and Saul's descendants. "Abner also spoke to the Benjamites in person. Then he went to Hebron to tell David everything that Israel and the whole tribe of Benjamin wanted to do. When Abner, who had twenty men with him, came to Hebron, David prepared a feast for him and his men. Then Abner said to David, 'Let me go at once and assemble all Israel for my lord the king, so that they may make a covenant with you, and that you may rule over all that your heart desires.' So David sent Abner away, and he went in peace." (2 Samuel 3:19-21) The twenty men with Abner are only a small fraction of the number of men willing to fight for David and install him as king over the entire nation. Abner's words imply that the majority of the men he talked to would prefer David over Ish-Bosheth, either because they don't feel Ish-Bosheth is capable of effectively managing the government and the military or because they know David is the Lord's choice and they want to be in obedience to the Lord.
While Abner goes to do what he promised to do, David's nephew and army general, Joab, returns from a raid on one of the nation's enemies and learns that the man who killed his younger brother Asahel is now in alliance with David. "Just then David's men and Joab returned from a raid and brought with them a great deal of plunder. But Abner was no longer with David in Hebron, because David had sent him away, and he had gone in peace. When Joab and all the soldiers with him arrived, he was told that Abner son of Ner had come to the king and that he king had sent him away and he had gone in peace." (2 Samuel 3:22-23)
Some scholars suggest that David purposely kept Abner and Joab apart and that he was trying for a time to conceal from Joab that he'd made an alliance with Abner because he knows the hot-headed Joab will react poorly to such knowledge. Joab and his soldiers previously tried to pursue Abner and his men all night in order to kill them after Abner stabbed Joab's brother Asahel with the sharpened butt of his spear as Asahel chased him during battle. But David did not consider the death of his nephew Asahel to be murder. He mourned the loss of Asahel but considered him a casualty of war, not a murder victim. Abner acted in self-defense when he killed Asahel because Asahel intended to kill him. This was an incident that occurred in war and did not constitute a premeditated act on Abner's part. David never ordered or condoned Joab or his surviving brother, Abishai, taking revenge for Asahel.
When Joab learns that Abner has been taken into David's confidence, we will find him accusing David of being gullibly taken in by a shrewd and deceptive man. Time and again we'll find Joab talking to David as if he is his elder and that may actually be the case. David is the youngest of eight sons and may be younger than his two sisters as well. Joab is the eldest son of one of David's sisters, so although David is the uncle and Joab is the nephew, Joab might be older than David by several years. In my own family I'm only eighteen months older than my eldest niece due to the long age gap between me and my older siblings. It could easily have been the other way around: my niece could have been born before I was. If Joab is older than David, that could explain why he often scolds or advises David even though David outranks him. Then again, it could just be Joab's personality to try to take charge. In the New Testament we frequently see Peter trying to scold and advise the Lord Jesus, not necessarily because he's older than Jesus (he probably wasn't because it wasn't typical for disciples to be older than the rabbis they followed) but because Peter has a dominant and take-charge type of personality.
Joab goes to David now in a temper and tells him Abner lied to him in order to be in a position to spy on the king and the people of Judah in order to plan an attack. "So Joab went to the king and said, 'What have you done? Look, Abner came to you. Why did you let him go? Now he is gone! You know Abner son of Ner; he came to deceive you and observe your movements and find out everything you are doing.'" (2 Samuel 3:24-25) Joab is wrong. Abner really is working on behalf of David. But Joab is blinded by his hatred of the man. When he is unable to convince David that Abner is plotting against him and that he's been duped into trusting him, he takes matters into his own hands.
"Joab then left David and sent messengers after Abner, and they brought him back from the cistern at Sirah. But David did not know it." (2 Samuel 3:26) We don't know what the message consisted of but nothing about it made Abner feel uneasy. He's not afraid to meet with Joab. He's operating under the assumption that he and Joab have made a truce with each other because in our previous chapter he talked Joab and his men out of continuing to pursue him and his men. When Joab called a halt to the pursuit and took his soldiers home, Abner thought that was the end of the matter. As a kinsman of the dead Asahel, Joab would be the person the Bible refers to as "the avenger of blood" if Abner had committed murder against Asahel. But under the rules of engagement for battle, Abner's slaying of Asahel does not meet the conditions for a murder charge. He simply stabbed a man who was pursuing him to kill him during wartime. David did not consider this a murder. If he had, he could have avenged Asahel himself during Joab's absence from Hebron when Abner came to visit him there, for David is also a close kinsman of the dead man.
Joab cannot accept that his brother was a casualty of war. He is angry that David didn't avenge Asahel when he had the chance. He knows David is not going to avenge Asahel. He decides to do it himself and makes up some sort of pretext for calling Abner back to meet with him privately. "Now when Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into an inner chamber, as if to speak with him privately. And there, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died." (2 Samuel 3:27)
Hebron is one of the cities of refuge to which an accused murderer could flee and remain safe until his case could be heard. The avenger of blood could not touch him in a city of refuge. If Asahel's death truly fit the bill for murder charges being brought against Abner, Joab could not lawfully assault Abner at Hebron. David is extremely grieved when he hears what has happened. The circumstances of Asahel's death do not permit anyone to avenge him. Joab has committed cold blooded, premeditated murder. Joab has committed this sin in a location where Abner would have been granted asylum until trial even if the charges against him appeared legitimate. David views Joab's actions as something that has brought a curse upon Joab's family but he declares himself innocent of this sin: he did not order it done (had almost certainly given orders against anyone harming Abner) and he did not know it was being done until it had already been done. "Later, when David heard about this, he said, 'I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the Lord concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner! May his blood fall on the head of Joab and on his whole family! May Joab's family never be without someone who has a running sore or leprosy or who leans on a crutch or who falls by the sword or who lacks food.'" (2 Samuel 3:28-29)
These are some very harsh words but the Bible is clear that an avenger of blood is not allowed to pursue or lay hands on the person he's accusing of murder if that person is in a city of refuge. On top of that, Abner was innocent of murder. What he did was kill a man in battle in wartime, something that no nation I know of considers murder. Joab is the only one guilty of murder here and by rights I think he probably should have been sentenced to death. David grants him the mercy of keeping his life but pronounces a curse that essentially says, "May you and your family line never achieve success. May you endure troubles and hardships due to this blood that is on your hands."
This isn't the last time Joab will "go rogue" to use a modern expression. He will be a thorn in David's side many times, culminating in conspiring with David's son Adonijah to prevent David's son Solomon from inheriting the throne. Joab knows this is against David's will and against the Lord's will, but as usual he'll follow his own inclinations instead of the wishes of the king of Israel and the King of kings.
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