"Then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. But the king said, 'He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.' So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king." (2 Samuel 14:23-24) No doubt Absalom returns to Jerusalem expecting an immediate reunion and reconciliation with his father. I am sure Joab expected to witness David formally pardoning his son in court. But these things do not happen. Instead David says, "Absalom can return but he can't come into my presence. He must go straight to his own house." We will learn momentarily that it wasn't only on the day of Absalom's return that David refused to see him. It was for two years that David refused to see him!
Why is David so harsh with his son after allowing him to come home? Some scholars think David regrets being so lenient with his sons while they were growing up and that he goes too far the other way now in an effort to make Absalom feel chastened and sorry. If that's the case, I feel he's going about it the wrong way. Absalom doesn't strike me as the kind of man who repents when left to his own devices. You'll recall that during the two years when no justice was carried out against his brother Amnon, Absalom only became more angry and bitter toward him, not less angry and bitter. David has already been estranged from Absalom for three years and now he refuses to see him for another two years. This is a total of five years in which Absalom can grow more and more resentful, hurt, humiliated, angry, bitter, and frustrated. This is guaranteed to backfire on David---and it will backfire on him later in the book.
I am sure David wants Absalom to be sorry for killing Amnon but is there any evidence that Absalom has repented or ever does repent for killing Amnon? We won't find any proof in the Bible that he does. I think he may have justified it to himself that he took the life of the man who raped his sister Tamar, who put Tamar out of his house like a hired prostitute he was finished with, and who refused to do for her what was commanded by the law (paying a hefty bride price of fifty pieces of silver to acknowledge her great value to her father's household, marrying her, then caring for and supporting her for the rest of his life without ever being able to divorce her for any reason). If David is shunning Absalom in order to bring him to repentance for killing Amnon, it's not going to have the desired effect. It might have had the desired effect on someone with a different type of personality, but it won't work on a man with Absalom's personality.
I think David would have had better luck if he'd seen his son immediately upon his return from Geshur and if he had hugged him, told him he loved him, and had a long private talk with him. In that talk he could have apologized for his own part in the tragedy that took place, which was failing to set a good example for his sons where relations with women were concerned and then, after Amnon treated a woman as if she weren't even a human being with feelings, he should have enforced the law against his son. Since David didn't enforce the law, he owes Absalom an apology for not ensuring that Tamar's dignity was restored to her. He also owes Absalom an apology for leaving him in Geshur for three years with no contact, for earlier in the book we were told that David longed to go to him but did not. Good intentions that are not acted upon are worthless. While Absalom resided in his maternal grandfather's home, away from his mother and father and all his brothers and sisters and friends in Jerusalem, away from the house of worship, no word came to him from his father. His father didn't come and get him either. It was dead silence and in that silence Absalom felt cast off and unloved. He had no idea David longed to come and get him. He thought David had banished him forever.
So let's imagine how Absalom felt when Joab and his entourage of soldiers showed up and relayed David's invitation to him to return. These men were there to escort him home safely as soon as he could be ready to go. How his heart must have lifted with joy! How comforted he must have been to know that his father still loved him after all! And then when he arrived in Jerusalem, expecting to be welcomed with open arms, he was instructed not to come anywhere near the palace. David refused to see him or speak to him, which means he's actually not much better off than he was before. In a way he may be worse off, because at least while he lived in exile he was treated with honor as the grandson of the king of Geshur. He was like a prince of the royal household there. But in Jerusalem his status is unclear. Is he the crown prince or not? (Amnon, David's firstborn and original crown prince, is dead. David's second son, Kileab---also known as Daniel in the book of 1 Chronicles---is never mentioned again after we were told he was born to David and Abigail before David became king over all Israel, which likely means he died young.) Every day Absalom has to face the shame of everyone in Jerusalem knowing his father won't see him. Every day he has to deal with the ambiguity of his position in the royal family and in the government of Israel. He's living like an ordinary citizen, albeit a wealthy one, and has no idea what lies in his future in regard to his family and in regard to the kingship. Just think what a strain this must have been on him, daily wondering if the situation would ever resolve and whether it would resolve in his favor.
While Absalom is enduring this confusing two-year stretch, although he may have initially disliked having his fellow citizens feel sorry for him, in time he will use their pity to his advantage. While David is shunning him, the people are finding themselves drawn to him. In their minds he is the obvious successor to David's throne, not only because he is the next likely choice due to birth order (Kileab/Daniel evidently being dead or else born with severe disabilities or a lifelong illness) but also because his appearance is so impressive. Remember how impressed people were with the appearance of Saul? Outwardly he was everything they wanted in a king; inwardly he had no heart for the Lord. Absalom can be compared to Saul in that outwardly he seems to be everything people could want in a king; inwardly perhaps not so much. "In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head---he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him---he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard." (2 Samuel 14:25-26) His hair, and his vanity regarding his hair, will be important later in 2 Samuel. If you aren't already familiar with the story of Absalom, you'll want to remember these verses about his hair.
This next verse informs us that Absalom is a father of four. "Three sons and a daughter were born to Absalom. His daughter's name was Tamar, and she became a beautiful woman." (2 Samuel 14:27) We don't know whether all four of these children were born to him after his return to Jerusalem. If so, he must have married more than one wife to have fathered four children in two years. I tend to think that this verse was inserted here like the verse regarding his good looks and his hair---to provide us with some additional information about him but not necessarily because these things took place only during the first two years after his return from Geshur. Out of these four children only Tamar, named after Absalom's sister, lived to adulthood. We know none of his sons were still alive in 2 Samuel 18:18 because then Absalom will set up a pillar in his own honor, stating that he has no sons to carry on his name. Infant mortality rates were quite high in Absalom's time, even in wealthy families where expectant mothers and young children had better nutrition and higher quality medical care. Nevertheless, whether or not Absalom had already fathered these children before he went into exile, during his three years in exile, or during the two additional years in which David shunned him, if David is not seeing Absalom then he is probably not seeing his grandchildren either. It is a sad thing when family members are estranged from each other. It doesn't just hurt the two people who aren't speaking to each other. It hurts the whole family.
The strain and hurt of these two years in Jerusalem become more than Absalom can stand. "Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king's face. Then Absalom sent for Joab in order to send him to the king, but Joab refused to come to him. So he sent a second time, but he refused to come. Then he said to his servants, 'Look, Joab's field is next to mine, and he has barley there. Go and set it on fire.' So Absalom's servants set the field on fire." (2 Samuel 14:28-30) Joab cares about Absalom but his first loyalty is to the king. David has forbidden Absalom to come to the palace and there's no use in Joab coming to Absalom's house to escort him to the palace. David's guards would just turn them away at the door. Taking Absalom to the palace would cause strife between David and Joab because David would feel disrespected by Joab. David may even have issued direct orders to Joab not to have any contact with Absalom at all or even to mention his name. Joab's hands are tied where getting Absalom into David's presence is concerned. Therefore, he does not answer Absalom's summons. Had Absalom still been the clear successor to David's throne, I think Joab would have been compelled to answer the summons of the crown prince of Israel, but under the circumstances Joab is not obligated to go to his house so he doesn't.
Absalom takes matters into his own hands to force Joab to pay attention to him. He cannot go into the king's presence unless invited but he knows Joab has managed to influence David in his favor in the past. If he can get Joab on his side, he has hope of getting this situation resolved. It's hard to ignore a burning field and Joab won't ignore it. In tomorrow's passage he will come and hear what Absalom has to say and then he will take Absalom's message to the king.
Whether or not David should have pardoned his son is debatable. But after pardoning him, it was wrong to shun him. That would be like the Lord pardoning us for something and then refusing to listen to us or talk to us anymore. How would that make us feel? Could we even be sure we were still His children? Would we have any idea what our place was in His life or whether we have any place in His life at all? Imagine if He told us through a messenger, as David told Absalom through Joab, that the crime we committed won't be held against us but that we aren't to come to the house of the Lord, pray to the Lord, or ask the Lord to do anything more for us. We would feel completely cut off. That is how Absalom feels. David---the person who defines Absalom's identity and his role in the family and in the nation---is behaving as if he does not exist. David---the person who has been the source of Absalom's provision and power for all of his life---will not listen to him or speak to him. What if the Lord treated us that way? What comfort would we have? How could we even define who we are anymore? How could we be certain of the destiny of our souls? To whom would we go for help? Thanks be to the Lord, He will never treat us the way we find David treating Absalom in our text today! Thanks be to the Lord, His ways are not man's ways and His thoughts are not man's thoughts! (Isaiah 55:8) Thanks be to the Lord, when He declares us His children, we are His children forever and we have access to His throne of grace forever because, "God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?" (Numbers 23:19) Man may lie or change his mind. Man may promise and not fulfill. But our righteous and holy God will not!
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