"Now Ben-Hadad king of Aram mustered his entire army. Accompanied by thirty-two kings with their horses and chariots, he went up and besieged Samaria and attacked it. He sent messengers into the city of Ahab king of Israel, saying, 'This is what Ben-Hadad says: Your silver and gold are mine, and the best of your wives and children are mine.'" (1 Kings 20:1-3) We've seen Ben-Hadad on the pages of the Bible before. He made an alliance with King Asa of Judah (these passages are found in 1 Kings 15 and 2 Chronicles 16) when the northern kingdom of Israel under King Baasha captured a major city along the route into Jerusalem to prevent people from coming or going from there. Asa gave Ben-Hadad the gold and silver from the treasuries of the palace and the temple in exchange for attacking cities of Israel so Baasha would retreat to defend his own kingdom.
Most scholars seem to believe that when the author says Ben-Hadad was "accompanied by thirty-two kings" he means thirty-two tribal chieftains, not kings of large highly-developed nations. "Aram" in the Bible is the same as Syria.
Ben-Hadad demands the best King Ahab has in exchange for not destroying his capital city or killing him. Ahab meekly agrees! He's willing to hand over a great deal of wealth, not to mention some of his wives and children, to this foreign king to save his own skin and to almost certainly remain as a puppet king over a nation that would be subject to Aram. Ahab has been meekly agreeing to things for a long time, ever since he married the pagan Jezebel of Sidon. She's been telling him what to do ever since their union became legal and he's used to giving in when someone with a stronger personality commands him to do a particular thing.
Ben-Hadad is pleased with Ahab's meek agreement to his demands. He decides to make more demands to see if he will also be granted those. "The messengers came again and said, 'This is what Ben-Hadad says: 'I sent to demand your silver and gold, your wives and your children. But about this time tomorrow I am going to send my officials to search your palace and the houses of your officials. They will seize everything of value and carry it away.'" (1 Kings 20:5-6)
The king of Aram has demanded the best of everything King Ahab has. He doesn't trust Ahab to send out his best to him; he wants his own men to select the items and the people who seem to be the best. While they're at it, they're not only going to ransack the palace but they're going to ransack the houses of Ahab's officials as well, in case they have hidden some of his family members or valuables for him.
Ahab feels this is going too far. He's insulted that Ben-Hadad doesn't believe he will honor his word. He resents the invasion of privacy that Ben-Hadad is proposing. He complains to the elders that Ben-Hadad isn't satisfied with having women, children, and valuables handed over to him. "The king of Israel summoned all the elders of the land and said to them, 'See how this man is looking for trouble! When he sent for my wives and my children, my silver and my gold, I did not refuse him.'" (1 Kings 20:7)
In my background study it's the opinion of some Bible scholars and historians that the siege of Samaria must have been going on for a long time before Ahab agreed to hand over some of his family members and much of his wealth. They say he may have agreed because he felt he had no choice if he wanted the siege to end. Occupants of cities under siege for a long time don't fare very well; they begin to starve and in many cases will even eat their dead. On the one hand I think it's a valid opinion that Ahab agrees to turn people and possessions over to Ben-Hadad because the siege has been going on long enough to cause considerable hardship. On the other hand we know he's a weak man and it's interesting that he balks at the idea of anyone coming to search his palace or the homes of his high officials. If he wants the siege to end, and if he believes cooperating with the enemy will cause it to end, we'd expect him to agree to whatever terms Ben-Hadad lays out.
The elders advise Ahab to refuse Ben-Hadad's demands. "The elders and the people all answered, 'Don't listen to him or agree to his demands.' So he replied to Ben-Hadad's messengers, 'Tell my lord the king: Your servant will do all you demanded the first time, but this demand I cannot meet.' They left and took the answer back to Ben-Hadad." (1 Kings 20:8-9) It's not clear to me whether the elders are counseling Ahab not to give in to any of Ben-Hadad's demands or whether they are telling him not to give in to the second set of commands. I wouldn't be surprised if they told him to say no to all of it but perhaps he lacked the nerve to follow their advice. He's still willing to hand over valuables, women, and children. He even goes out of his way to display a servile attitude toward the enemy king by referring to the king as "my lord" and by calling himself the king's "servant".
Ahab's respectful tone doesn't pacify the Syrian king at all. Ben-Hadad becomes so angry that he takes an oath to thoroughly destroy the capital city of Israel. "Then Ben-Hadad sent another message to Ahab: 'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if enough dust remains in Samaria to give each of my men a handful.'" (1 Kings 20:10)
Ahab replies to the Syrian king's message with what was probably an ancient military proverb: "The king of Israel answered: 'Tell him: One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'" (1 Kings 20:11) Ahab is telling Ben-Hadad that he's boasting of a victory that hasn't yet come to pass and that may not come to pass at all. I'm surprised Ahab is so bold but everyone has their limits. He simply does not intend to allow the enemy king and his army to invade the city to go house to house looting people's possessions and taking citizens captive. I've got to give him some credit for choosing this demand of Ben-Hadad's as his "hill to die on", so to speak. It's good to know there's a point beyond which Ahab cannot be pushed. He's not a likable character of the Bible but at least here in Chapter 20 he summons the courage to stand firm for himself, his family, and the people of his nation.
"Ben-Hadad heard this message while he and the kings were drinking in their tents, and he ordered his men, 'Prepare to attack.' So they prepared to attack the city." (1 Kings 20:12) I have a feeling that Ben-Hadad and his men were celebrating (prematurely) their defeat of the Israelite king. They expect him to agree to all the demands made of him. To their surprise, he refuses. There's nothing the Syrian army can do now except try to sober up enough by morning to take the city by force.
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