The Pharisees are at it again. They've come up with a question for Jesus regarding divorce and the question is intended as a trap. Before we get started I want to tell you that you don't need to fear reading today's passage if you have a divorce in your past or if you're currently going through a divorce. Even if you divorced someone for what could be considered non-Biblical reasons, you don't need to keep beating yourself up for anything Christ has already forgiven you for. If you and the Lord have dealt with it, He's done with it.
"Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to Him, and as was His custom, He taught them. Some Pharisees came and tested Him by asking, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?'" (Mark 10:1-2) Matthew reveals to us the true nature of their question, "They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?'" (Matthew 19:3) The law of Moses said a man could divorce his wife if "he finds something indecent about her". (Deuteronomy 24:1) The early rabbis interpreted this as meaning the man's wife has been unfaithful to him, so they said divorce was legal only in cases where adultery has taken place. By Jesus' day the law regarding divorce was interpreted very liberally. A man could divorce his wife simply because the bloom has worn off the relationship and he finds her irritating. He could divorce her simply for speaking with another man in public. He could divorce her for something so ridiculous as burning his dinner. By Jesus' day marriage was beginning to be treated as something disposable according to the whims of man.
Jesus answers the Pharisees' question with a question. "'What did Moses command you?' He replied." (Mark 10:3) Jesus asks something like, "What did Moses actually say? Did he say you could divorce your wife for any old reason that suits you? What is the heart of this law? Was it not intended for the good of the person who has been betrayed, so that this person will not have to continue living with the one who has hurt and shamed them? Or do you think it was intended so that men can continually upgrade their wives, trading in the old for the new?" Jesus has already pointed out several times in the book of Mark that the religious leaders have twisted God's laws to suit their own selfish desires. For instance, they said a man could refuse to support his parents in their old age by devoting the funds to the temple instead. (Mark 7:11) This allowed a man to refuse to honor his parents, which breaks one of the ten commandments, yet at the same time he could feel virtuous about giving a large offering to the Lord. The same thing is going on in today's passage. The Pharisees are allowing men to perpetrate cruelty upon their wives by permitting them to divorce their wives for any reason that pops into their heads. They are allowing men to be inhumane to the women God intended them to cherish and protect.
In their answer, the Pharisees avoid quoting the part of the law which says a man can divorce his wife because of "indecency", and instead they quote the part that tells a man how to go about obtaining the divorce. "They said, 'Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.'" (Mark 10:4) I believe they already realize they've been caught in their own trap. They aren't going to get the best of Jesus; He's going to get the best of them. They thought He would speak words contrary to Moses so they could accuse Him of claiming to be a greater authority than Moses. They thought His answer might put Him at odds with Herod Antipas, whose wife already had John the Baptist killed for criticizing the fact that they divorced their spouses to marry each other. They thought His answer might anger the crowd, which probably contains a number of divorced people, so that they would turn away from Jesus' teachings. But Jesus puts the Pharisees to shame.
"'It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,' Jesus said. 'But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female'. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.'" (Mark 10:5-9) Jesus quotes a law that supersedes that of Moses: the words spoken by God Himself . God created the laws for marriage. His authority is greater than that of Moses. Jesus has answered in a way that leaves the Pharisees unable to reply. They cannot now attack Him and say, "Who do You think You are by saying divorce isn't lawful? Are You greater than Moses?" Jesus is indeed greater than Moses, but instead of pointing this out, He quotes directly from the word of God. No one in His audience doubts that God is greater than Moses, so the discussion is ended.
In the book of Mark it would almost appear that Jesus is denying there are any grounds for divorce, but Matthew helps us see that this is not the case. In Matthew 5:31-32 and in Matthew 19:9 Jesus clearly states that divorce is permissible in cases of infidelity. This does not mean a person has to divorce his or her unfaithful spouse if there is a way to save the marriage, but it means it is not a sin to do so. Though Mark doesn't specifically say so, I believe we can safely assume that in today's passage Jesus is upholding the heart of the law regarding divorce, which is that a person may divorce a spouse for adultery (the 'indecency' mentioned in the law of Moses), but that He finds all other reasons unlawful.
In the privacy of the house the disciples want to know more. "When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, 'Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.'" (Mark 10:10-12) In this example it seems the man is divorcing his wife because he wants to be with another woman, and the woman is divorcing her husband in order to be with another man. In Jesus' eyes these reasons are not legitimate. He's telling us it's not okay to say, "I've fallen out of love with my husband. I think I may have married the wrong man. If he were the right man for me, I'd be happy, wouldn't I? If he were the right man for me, I couldn't have fallen in love with the guy from work, could I? I don't believe God put me and my husband together. I think God meant for me and this other man to be together instead."
Today's passage is not intended to discourage anyone about what they've done in the past, but to keep us from making mistakes in the future. Today's passage is intended to help us see what is at the heart of the law and to put God's word above man's word, and God's word never said anything about looking for the man or woman who is our "soul mate". I believe the idea of a soul mate is the greatest scam against marriage that Satan has ever come up with. The only soul mate you and I will ever have is Jesus Christ. The only one who will ever complete us is Jesus Christ. The only one able to fulfill us emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually is Jesus Christ. Your spouse is not the wrong person for you simply because he or she doesn't feel like a soul mate. He or she was never intended to be a soul mate but to be your partner in life and your companion on the Christian journey. Once we realize only Christ can fulfill our deepest needs, we are free to love our spouses in the way God intended. My husband of twenty-three years is not Jesus Christ. (There have been many days in our marriage where neither of us resembled Jesus very much, I'm afraid.) Your husband or your wife is not Jesus Christ. Let's let Jesus be Jesus and let's let our spouses be our spouses.
One last point I want to make is this: we can't use the excuse that perhaps God didn't join us together with our spouses. Did you marry the wrong person? Did I? Some of us more than likely did! Some of us chose a spouse who was not the best choice for us, but that's not the point Jesus is making when He says, "what God has joined together, let no one separate". He's not saying God didn't join us with our spouse if we chose the wrong person or that God doesn't expect us to try and make the marriage work. In the original language the joining together means God witnessed our marriage vows and signed His name to the marriage document. This is the same way in which a priest, minister, or justice of the peace would witness our marriage and sign the document. If the minister who witnessed my wedding vows and signed my marriage certificate didn't think I made a good choice, is his signature any less valid? No, and neither is God's. The minister joined us together whether he approved of our choice or not and he expected us to leave the church and try to make a go of it. In the same way, God joined us together and expected us to try and make a go of it.
Any of us could end up divorced, either willingly or unwillingly. I'm not here to judge anyone. I was planning to file for divorce myself at one time. My husband was too. It just so happened that by the time we decided we were done trying, we were also out of money. Neither of us could afford to go downtown to a law office and shell out the sum of money necessary to get the proceedings started. Divorce is something that has the potential to occur in any marriage, but Jesus lays down some principles in today's passage that are able to help those of us who are currently married or those who may someday get married.
Maybe you have a broken marriage in your past, but you aren't living in the past. Maybe your divorce was caused by reasons other than those considered valid in the Scriptures, but if you and the Lord have dealt with this matter, He's done with it. He's not going to keep bringing it up. He's more concerned with where you're going than with where you've been.
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